honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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