No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
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I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
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I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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