He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
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We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
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Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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