her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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