I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
