JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
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She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
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I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
50% drunk capacity currently
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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