she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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