I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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