This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
