Whod you bang
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
