i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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