i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
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Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
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Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..