don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"