remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.