I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
