her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
