i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
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I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
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He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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