I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
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i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
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His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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