You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
