dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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