He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.