And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table