Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants