I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
she smelled like a LAN party
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
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You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
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Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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