Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize