You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize