i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize