So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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