I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
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