I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.