Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.