Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
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Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
19 Utterly Perfect Responses To ‘Send Nudes’ Texts
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?