She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave