I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
he thought i was a dude.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
