Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Randomize