Im at strip club and am horny
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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