i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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