i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
