he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Ketchup is God's man juice
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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