Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
