I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
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He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
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posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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