So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
