So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
The air taste purple.
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