How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
