Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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