the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
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Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
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theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize