im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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