Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize