We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
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4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
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Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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