I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
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she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
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How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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