Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
