real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
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Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
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He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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