Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
