i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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