Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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