I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.