I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
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you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
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She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"