I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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