I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
