so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
